My Enemy the Cat

Cat 5

Cat 7







Today I’m going to talk about something that should already be obvious. I don’t like cats. There, I said it. I know, I know.

I’ve heard of many households where dogs and cats coexist in relative, apparent harmony. I realize there are exceptions to the rule.  That may work for them but I’m sorry, it doesn’t work for me.

Maybe it’s the idea that cats think they are the owners.   Maybe it’s the pooping in a box or the always-landing-on-their-feet thingy.   Maybe it’s the hairballs or the strange sounds they make.   Maybe it’s the alleged nine lives.   Quite honestly, I don’t know and I really don’t care.   I just have to put cats in the Do-Not-Like category.

Cat 1Cat 2

Does that mean that all cats are evil? Of course not. I’m sure there are at least four or five cats on this great big earth that aren’t annoying.

You can’t read a cat. You never know what they’re thinking. They don’t wag their tails when they’re happy. They don’t even know how to properly wag their tails!
Cat 3

Did you ever hear of a cat who wanted to go to the cat park? Oh boy, let’s load up and head down to the cat park. All my friends will be there! It will never happen in the cat world.

Why is that? I think it’s because cats are not social creatures.  If they don’t like each other, then there certainly is no reason to try to get dogs to like them!

When I was little, I didn’t know how to act around cats. I think that’s how humans get some dogs to like cats. They trick them at an age when they’re still young and vulnerable. They expose them to cats when the cat is bigger than them.

Dogs are smart so of course they’re going to pretend they like the cat. By the time they grow up and realize they aren’t suppose to like cats, it’s too late. They’ve already committed!

Cat 4When I got older, I did what came natural and it was natural for me to dislike cats. Cats are meant to be chased up trees and out of sight. The job of a dog is to make sure this happens. Pretty simple really.

I can already see the (virtual) stacks of email I’m going to get from cat lovers out there. That’s fine, I welcome a good honest debate. Be sure to include your return address so I can have one of my buddies play a loud cat-in-heat recording outside your window in the middle of the night!Cat 6
But seriously, this is a pretty big planet so I guess we can allow room for both dog lovers and cat lovers and dog/cat lovers. I just happen to be part of the first category and I’d like to keep it that way!


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